If you just believe

Have you ever heard the song " Believe" from the movie Polar Express, sung by Josh Groban? It is the most heart warming song with the most important message--- faith.

I'm not talking about faith, as in religion. I'm talking about faith, as in the faith that no matter what happens, you believe in yourself. When everyone is looking down upon you, or when you feel like no one is about to support what you are doing, you NEED this faith, to make it through.

Sometimes, it sounds easier than done to just believe in yourself. There will always be doubt creeping up into your mind and you'll start to wonder: Hmm...can I make it? What if I fail? This is when you need to use the power of faith, to make it through.

Case and point:

I have doubted myself for my entire life. Until today, I'm still wondering whether my blog has any value at all. That is, if I'm crapping here. But, somehow, yesterday I experienced something unique and wonderful, and I WANT to share it with you.

I was going through my daily life in the usual way. Practising the piano, doing chores, going online and many more. I realized that I am always lacking something, a sense that I am unique and truly amazing in my own way. I have never really "conformed" to any social networks or to my peers for that matter. Always had the "natural ability" to stand out in some ways, like a habit. I'm almost 19 but I don't feel like one at all. I don't do things just because my peers are doing those. But I don't have faith that the way that I live my life is the best way I knew how.

So, I sat down and thought about the time when I felt very good about myself. I remembered that when I was young, I had a breakdown. Being the youngest in the family, I have always felt like I'm the one that was always protected and taken care of, quite dependent in many ways. I have a high sense of dignity, but not much confidence. And so, a single word about my ignorance would tear my fragile heart apart.

One day, I finally could not take it anymore and I cried hard. I asked myself: Why do I always feel so stupid and angry with myself? What can I learn from this? What's wrong?

From then on, my life completely changed. I started to look into personal development, self help books and stuff. Trying to search for answers. I continued this until my late teen years, but then I suddenly stopped, because I thought my effort was enough.

Then, I started to plunge down my emotional ladder again, but in a different way. This time, I did not depend on others to cling onto, but I depended on the internet and the computer. A totally different kind of delusion.

I realized, that the time when I had faith that I could change and face challenges was the happiest. I felt good about myself. Because I believed, although heart-broken, that I am not worthless, because I can change myself if I wanted to.

If you would just believe, the world would be a better place.